Tag Archives: Family

Diet Diary

Day 92: Do Children have internal Radars?

Am I just lucky, or are all children born with a radar system that tells them when Mommy is not available? Mia and I had just finished our workout this morning, Alexandra was down for a nap & Mia was happily looking at her books when I decided I’d try to get a little work done. I’m not even kidding – the MINUTE I picked up the phone Mia decided that she needed something to eat or she was just going to DIE! So, I got her a few apple slices and a drink, got her situated & sat back down to work. I had no sooner gotten on the phone with the office when Alexandra starts crying, and I’m not talking about the little whimper that says “I’m awake Mom” – I’m talking full-blown someone-poked-me-with-a-pin hysteria. Of course, I told the person on the phone that I would call back later & ran upstairs to find Alexandra lying in her bed pulling her own hair & screaming hysterically. As soon as I got her fingers untangled from her tender little baby hair she quit crying & after a few minutes I managed to get her back to sleep. PHEW!! “Okay” I thought, “NOW I’ll get downstairs & get some things done.” Riiiiight.

I sat down at the computer, had just gotten “in the groove” writing an article which was already very late, when I heard these little feet sneaking up behind me. I ignored them and kept on writing – I mean, I just HAD to get this done!! Pretty soon, I felt little hands pulling a three-year-old body up on my lap. “Fine,” I thought, “I can type with Mia on my lap – no big deal, I’ve just got to finish this page.” But of course, Mia has to sit with her head right in front of mine, effectively blocking my view of the keyboard, the bottom of the screen, or anything really useful for that matter. After trying repeatedly to resituate her so that I could actually see what I was doing I totally lost my cool when she started “typing” with me. All of a sudden little aowihehaej a;lk  iht words started appearing in my perfectly crafted article. “MIA!” I shouted, “What are you DOING?! Why can’t you go play for five minutes?!”

Denim blue eyes framed with long black lashes looked back at me with a mixture of shock, fear and hurt. “Mommy, I just want to be like you.” Ouch.

The article can wait. Today we’re blowing bubbles.

Body Types

Men

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes. There is no fast food.Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money
In addition, each man will have to budget enough money for groceries each week. Each man 
must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time–no emailing.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Emergency Room. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a school function.Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it
presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished,  and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe
abdominal cramps, backaches, headaches, have extreme, unexplained mood swings
but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must attend weekly school meetings
and church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar
setting.
They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress thembrush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:30 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size, doctor’s name, the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when they grow up. The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right  to be called Mother!

After you get done laughing,
send this to as many females as
you think will get a kick out of it and
as many men as you think can handle it.
Just don’t send it back to me….

I’m going to bed.

Tid Bits Articles

Corporate Rat Race

I’ve talked with a lot of women who speak of my “old world” (the corporate rat-race) with a sort of romanticized terror – they love the idea, but are terrified of the hard, cold reality that life entails. For me, that love/fear combination perfectly fits my thoughts about turning into a house wife and stay at home mom. Something I dreamed about but would wake me up in a cold sweat. I mean, talk about NO CONTROL!!!!   However, I’ve noticed that since I started applying a new philosophy in my life (focusing on health and LONGEVITY rather than my typical “I need results TODAY – no matter what!”), I have put aside some of my insecurities & related stress…and life is more fun, and easier….so far.  But there’s one thing that’s for sure, I have managed to stay challenged

Diet Diary

Day 66: I Am Boring?

Today I was asking my husband how he would describe the word “boring”.  After ten minutes of explaining why I couldn’t just look it up in a thesaurus he quipped, “The definition you are looking for is you.”

Ouch! …He was right!  I hadn’t even checked to see if he was at all interested in hearing what I had to say  (though the thought of checking his pulse did occur to me after noticing a blank, seemingly breathless stare for at least half of my soap box episode).  To me, I was sharing an exciting, brilliant, fun “discussion”… yet the “discussion” was (I admit) more of a lecture.  To him, the words weren’t even bouncing off (like the great sounding board I am used to) – nope. Just hitting the wall of his conscious & flopping, lifeless, to the floor.  For the last ten minutes he had been as receptive as the proverbial dead horse while I was energetically convinced that the next witty and clever sentence would lash his conscious into a state at least have as lively as my own. Instead, my reward for the quick thinking and educated repartee` was a blunt and unfeeling “You are BORING!!!”   But what’s better?  A man who won’t hurt your feelings, who will listen and at least nod (regardless) all the while feigning interest and deluding you into thinking you are the queen of cleverness; or a man who will honestly tell it like it is, even if that means he ruins your otherwise great day?…(ugh…I’m calling my mom)

Diet Diary

Day 53: Dos and Donts

Regular life is setting in again and I am determined to tackle my goal (yet AGAIN).

I keep telling myself that five pounds is not much (although granted it may be nearly ten given the last week of endless food and drink). But the point that I have really learned to appreciate most through losing the 25 pounds I did lose in the last 6 weeks, is my health. Gone is the time when I could just abuse my diet and defer any consequence. The more years I accumulate, the more “sorrys” stack up.

I was thinking I should put together a list of Dos and Don’ts – things I have learned over the last few months related to this weight loss journey (battle!). Funny I have done this before but never taken the time to actually learn from the diets that don’t work or things I tried that were successful. From now on, my first “don’t” is to not repeat the same diet mistakes I have made in the past!

1. Do start with something small that you can see improvement with instantly …like doing a couple push ups before you take a shower every morning
2. Do write down everything you eat (and be honest!)
3. Don’t think that you must start your new diet or whatever on “a Monday” or the “first of the month”…start today!
4. Do make a decision and make it public (tell everyone and make a statement you cannot take back!)
5. Do find a good tasting substitute food and drink that you can have when you start craving “other” foods
6. Don’t eat what you cook for your husband or kids (and don’t eat their leftovers either)
7. Do get exercise in every day (even if it is only 10 minutes)…in the mornings…wake up earlier! (there are no excuses on this one)
8. If you eat an entire container of ice cream or pig out on something – then yes, allow yourself to completely wallow in the guilt! (despite other’s advice to simply “forgive yourself”)
9. Do invest in a live airbrush spray tan!!!
10. Do wear the gloves!
11. Do get waxed and primped (painful, but worth it!)
12. Don’t, under any circumstances, ever let someone talk you into getting your eyelashes permanently curled (in short, I ended up taking false eyelashes…you can only imagine why)
13. Do buy some cheap clothes that you won’t wear a lot later (the fact that they will shrink and are out of season is a great thing…you won’t get tempted to stay 5 lbs heavier)
14. Don’t take your kids shopping for clothes if you can at all help it
15. Don’t weigh yourself every day

Diet Diary

Day 51: Ready to go

Today I packed my selection of Wal-Mart sun dresses that looked decent – definitely the most flattering ensemble for a few extra pounds around the waist! I have a tan, my hair looks good and I am so excited!

Feb. 20 Holiday here I come!

The moment I had been waiting for, shying away from, anticipating…has finally come! Today I tried on my bikini. As long as I suck in and don’t breathe, it looks great (from the front). A cover-up should complete the look and boost my confidence, but I was most pleased with a bikini my husband bought me that has a middle stripe of material from the bottom to the top which covers up your navel and seems to give you a “lower lift”. I could actually take shallow breaths with this one and it still looked decent.

As far as bikinis go – this is a winner. (One caution though: I realized that when you sit down, the material does not stick to your skin…it folds over like a necktie hanging from your midriff.

Oh well…maybe I’ll take some clothing tape (like what Jlo used)).

Diet Diary

Day 50: PM Luxury Shopping for a mother

If any husband reads this…please understand that if your wife goes shopping for herself and takes the kids; she is NOT having fun (at least if the “kids” are each under 3 years old).

My plan was to buy a mini-vacation wardrobe – a complete ensemble of clothes that look great on me right now and a little heavier in case I gain back a pound or two over the next week. I am planning on losing weight (those last 5 pounds for good, after our vacation of course) – and I don’t want to spend too much money.

Since I have the kids with me, I also want to make sure that I don’t run into anyone I know who may want to take time to chat or scope my cart and start giving me advice on something I’m really not interested in hearing right now (like, “you should go to Dillards”, you should wear a “black pant suit”,” you should but this dress over here – in fact, why don’t you try this on so I can see it on you?”)…ideally it is a VERY quick trip – in and out.

Cheap, no one I know, and the added benefit of the fact that as soon as I wash the clothes after my trip, they’ll be one size smaller and hold up for at least 5 more wearings (okay, slight embellishment) – I chose Wal-Mart.

I packed in Mia (beef jerky in hand to keep her busy) with Alexandra nestled in a fluffy red Christmas blanket and zoomed down the aisles grabbing about 20 items. I had been in there for all of five minutes when Alexandra started crying and I realized she wasn’t going to go back to sleep without more food…I headed to the fitting rooms and convinced the attendant to give me the largest room (my only real interest at this point was having a place to nurse her so I could get back to business).

Successfully, I managed to get her back to sleep and try on a few things as well. I left the store spending nearly $200 (not one item costing more than $12) and counted on returning the half that didn’t look good when I had a chance to try on the rest at home (Mia’s nap-time clock was ticking by the minute).

Diet Diary

Day 49: 5 lbs still to go

I leave on my romantic vacation tomorrow about 5 pounds away from my goal weight.

I have accomplished most of my “bikini to do” list: go on a diet and lose weight, exercise and get in better shape, cut my hair, get highlights, get a bikini wax, get a manicure, get a pedicure, get a good fake tan, get rid of the bags under my eyes (still working on that one!), get some new “tan” make-up, get another prescription of birth control, get an eyebrow wax, get rid of an annoying blemish, and I even tried the newly promoted beauty service of getting my eyelashes permanently curled (had I known this alone would have brought me to literal tears for more than one reason – I would have not considered adding it to my list…more on this topic later!)….so now the big question: what do I wear?

It took me all of five minutes – opening a couple drawers in my closet before I came to the conclusion that the possibility of buying some new clothes was not just a novel idea, but a requirement! Five pounds is easily the difference of two entire sizes for my frame. Going shopping (dragging the kids along)…

Diet Diary

Day 46: Rant!

Why is it that to a man, any little whimper from a baby translates to one universal solution: “Ugh . . . Baby hungry!” I mean seriously, if Alexandra would have drunk two entire bottles – so much that she would have spit up – and then made a sound while he is holding her, my husband would look at me and say, “I think she needs more milk – she’s hungry again.”

Of course, every mother knows that this statement is really man-code for, “come and take her from me now.” I often wonder, is it really ignorance…or laziness? Hummm…

Do men take this stance just to annoy us, or do they really think that the only reasons infants use vocal expression is to demand more food? I mean, honestly, what if we took this stance with THEM? Just imagine – husband comes home, walks through the door, says “Hello!” and we shove cheesecake into his mouth, then, when he tries to ask what’s going on, we’re there with some more cheesecake.

By this time the cheesecake is tasting pretty good & he’s thinking “hey, I kinda like this game” – however, by the time he’s finished half of the cheesecake, his pants are uncomfortable, and he’s getting annoyed with the fact that every time he tries to vent about his day, ask after the kids, or make a phone call we’re there to shove another piece of cheesecake down his throat.

Pretty soon, he pushes our hand away – of course, we simply recognize this as a sign that he’s REALLY hungry & so become even more determined to meet his needs. Eventually, he shouts, “STOP IT!! I don’t want any more cheesecake!!!” To which, we sweetly reply, “Shhhh, don’t worry, I’ll just get you some . . . ice cream.”

Of course this would never happen, but it’s a nice fantasy.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand – I had to leave my workout early today to come and rescue him from the kids because “Alexandra was hungry again” and I “didn’t leave enough milk for her”. What’s worse is that I left twice the amount she would have ever eaten – though arguing about this goes nowhere.
I got ten minutes in at the gym, tried to take a walk with the kids, which was also unsuccessful, and then got depressed and ate a bowl of ice cream. We didn’t have any cheesecake. All in all, bad day – even for an optimist…

Diet Diary

Day 45: “Liquid Gold”

Okay, after the breast milk tirade, it may have seemed like I had lost all hope of losing weight through extra pumping, however, there was still a small part of me that thought “maybe” . . . Today I realized I have absolutely no hope of burning extra calories through “milk production”…I almost bit my husband’s head off for using my last “extra bottle” in the freezer – literally dreading the thought of having to replace it to reach some sort of increasing statistic.

I went so crazy that I put the half-ounce she didn’t drink, back into the fridge. I just couldn’t bear to throw it away – even though it is literally drops now. All I could think was, “Do you know how much WORK it took to excrete that much milk?!… And you are considering wasting those drops?! You MUST be INSANE!!!!!”
(This is not “just milk”, it is “liquid gold”!)